O.K. I'll take the roll call. Archimedes? Wittgenstein? Hobbes? Buddha? No, just say "Yes," not "Om", boy. Locke? Hume? Descartes? What do you mean you don't know, boy? Think. That's better. Yes, of course you're here. Kant? Heidegger? ... oh all right I think everyone else is here.
Now today we're going to... Socrates. What are you drinking in class? Hemlock, boy? Put it away? I don't care if you are going to die, you're not doing it in class. And stop egging him on, Plato.
Who said "Om" just then? Was that you, Buddha? If you're going to be enlightened, do it later. Now be quiet. Yes, meditate if you wish.
You're being very rowdy today. And you, Nietzsche, shouldn't be wearing that Superman tee-shirt in class. I don't care if it is going to supersede mankind. It's not doing it today.
Archimedes! Come back boy. You can't run around shouting "Eureka" every time you have a bright idea. It disturbs the others. And you ought to be wearing more than a bath towel anyway.
Descartes, are you still with us? Wake up, child. Now your work is due in today. Russell, I want you to get the work from just those people who don't hand it in themselves, and hand it in. What do you mean, that's a logical contradiction? Yes, of course you have to hand in your own work. No, that doesn't mean that you don't hand it in yourself.
Zeno. Why didn't you do the work? You did half of it, yes. Then what? You had to do half of what was left? Yes, right. Then what? You still had to do half of what was left? ... Well everyone else manages. You ought to organize yourself better, boy...