David Hilbert Was often mistaken for Gilbert. "I did NOT write Trial by Jury!" He would say, in fury. Fleischmann and Pons Confounded their fellow dons By demonstrating fusion in a football stadium And later at the London Palladium. Alan Turing Needed reassuring That a Turing machine made of papyrus Was immune to almost every virus. Professor John Coates Mistyped his lecture notes; But "Useful for Bankers" had more takers Than the intended: "Useful for Bakers". W.H. Auden Never lived in Morden: In his poems the central line Is usually very fine. Andrey Nikolaevich Kolmogorov Had a headache, but it wore off. He didn't find the test that statisticians learn of Until he discovered Smirnoff. G.H. Hardy Was rather tardy At patching up his quarrel With Stan Laurel. I find Maclaurin Very borin' And Taylor's series Also wearies. Bertrand Russell Once choked on a mussel Which is why he says nothing exciting about shellfish in his writing. Donald Knuth Thought it very uncouth Of people to rhyme TeX With Sex. George N. Kayatta Had some novel views on matter. When your velocity is high, You find pi in the sky. E.C. Bentley Taxes me mentally. But Edward Lear Is crystal clear. Stephen Hawking Is always talking Of that stitch in Time Which saves nine. The Right Honourable Anthony Wedgewood Benn Is as common as other men. "I'm NOT a Viscount," says he. "I'm a teapot, you see." Faraday Is not easy to parody. He would take legal action If you said "Proof by induction". The poems of Trad Are not so bad, But Anon's verse Gets steadily worse. Osama's Not wearing pyjamas. He feels more mighty In a white nightie. Joseph of Arimathea Wore trousers of barathea. The same applies to Mr Michie's* Breeches.
* A character in Lucky Jim, and this bit is true.
